…i druge laži koje sam si govorila dok sam odgajala depresivnog sina
Znam kako ću je autobiografska priča, ili kako autorica kaže ljubavna priča, o borbi majke i sina tinejdžera, Kristine i Luke, protiv pakla depresije, anksioznosti i ovisnosti. Sirova i iskrena, bez uljepšavanja ili umanjivanja istine, autorica je ogolila svoje srce i srca svoje obitelji i javno progovorila o temi koja je kod nas još uvijek tabu.
Čitajući njihovu priču pomislila sam „Ajme, pa Luka je bio okružen sa toliko ljubavi, sa toliko ljudi koji su bili spremni staviti svoje živote na pauzu i opet nije bio dobro. Pa kakve onda uopće šanse imaju drugi?!“
A onda sam nastavila čitati i shvatila koliko zapravo malo znam o mentalnom zdravlju. A umišljala sam si kako znam puno, kako sam jako upućena u sve to. Iskreno…ne znam ništa. Sada shvaćam da je to bolest i bili mi voljeni ili ne ona zahtijeva ozbiljno liječenje i cijelu vojsku ljudi koja će nam biti podrška.
Zadivljena sam količinom ljubavi i strpljenja kojom je ova žena obasula svoju obitelj, ponajviše Luku koji ju je tada i najviše trebao. Njezina iskrenost je divna. Ne boji se pred svima priznati greške koje je radila iz velike ljubavi, ali i neznanja. Nadam se samo da je svjesna i da si svaki dan čestita i za sve prave odluke koje je donijela za svoga sina i svoju obitelj.
Luka je sva sreća dobio sve što je bilo u moći njegovih roditelja, njegove vojske, i zato danas i čitamo i njegovo poglavlje koje završava sa najljepšom mogućom rečenicom:
„Drago mi je što sam još uvijek ovdje.“
Čitajte ju! Čitajte ju ako se borite sa istim demonima. Čitajte ju i ako mislite da vam je potpuno nepotrebna. Nikada ne znate koga možete prepoznati u Kristininim i Lukinim rečenicama. Nikada ne znate koga možete spasiti.
[english]
I Can Fix This: And Other Lies I Told Myself While Parenting My Struggling Child – Kristina Kuzmic
I Can Fix This is an autobiographical story, or as the author says a love story, about the struggle of a mother and teenage son, Kristina and Luka, against the hell of depression, anxiety, and addiction. Raw and honest, without embellishing or minimizing the truth, the author bares her heart and the hearts of her family and publicly speaks out about a topic that is still a taboo in my country.
Reading their story, I thought, “But Luka was surrounded by so much love, so many people who were ready to put their lives on hold and yet he wasn’t well. So what chance do others have?!”
And then I continued reading and realized how little I actually know about mental health. And I imagined that I knew a lot, that I was very knowledgeable about it all. Honestly… I know nothing. Now I realize that it is an illness and whether we are loved or not, it requires serious treatment and an entire army of people to support us.
I am amazed by the amount of love and patience that this woman showered her family with, especially Luka, who needed it the most at that time. Her honesty is wonderful. She is not afraid to admit in front of everyone the mistakes she made out of great love, but also ignorance. I only hope that she is aware and congratulates herself every day for all the right decisions she made for her son and her family.
Luckily, Luka got everything his parents, his army, could give him, and that’s why today we’re reading his chapter, which ends with the most beautiful sentence possible:
“I’m glad I’m still here.”
Read it! Read it if you’re struggling with the same demons. Read it even if you think you don’t need it. You never know who you might recognize in Kristina’s and Luka’s sentences. You never know who you might save.
“In every interaction I have with my child, I can choose to either try to control or connect. But I can’t do both. And reaching for control always pulls me out of the range for connection.”
