“Nitko od nas nije cijelo vrijeme uravnotežen i ne ponaša se uvijek racionalno…”
Iben Dissing Sandahl je nastavnica i licencirana psihoterapeutkinja čiji je glavni cilj pomagati roditeljima i stručnjacima, nadahnuti i podupirati ih na putu do socijalnog i mentalnog zdravlja. Također je i autorica uspješnica Danski odgoj djece, Igra na danski način i Kako biti opušten roditelj.
Sandahl ističe važnost prihvaćanja autentičnosti i jedinstvenosti naših tinejdžera, te donosi deset glavnih principa odgoja uz koje bi životi i roditelja i tinejdžera trebali postati lakši. S obzirom da Danci slove kao najsretniji ljudi na svijetu ne iznenađuje interes za njihov stil odgoja.
“Ako bi zatražile da izađem iz sobe, poslušala sam. Stavila bih se na raspolaganje, no prihvatila bih njihovo odbacivanje jer znala sam da će mi doći kada budu spremne. Nikada ih nisam grdila ili optuživala za emocionalne ispade. Suosjećala sam s njima. Kada su bile spremne govoriti o uzroku svoje reakcije, znatiželjno sam postavljala otvorena pitanja. Uvijek smo se iznova zbližile, bez ikakvih dramatičnih scena. Mislim da im je to pomoglo dopustiti da pokažu osjećaje kada se pojave. Tako su, također, naučile da se same dovedu u red i vrate svoju emocionalnu stabilnost. To je od presudne važnosti, jer će se s emocionalnim izljevima i povrijeđenim osjećajima morati suočiti mnogo puta u životu. Kao što znate, neće uvijek imati nas u blizini!”
Moj prvi susret s ovom autoricom bio je kroz knjigu Danski odgoj djece koja me u to vrijeme oduševila. Puno sam očekivala i od ove knjige i u konačnici dosta i dobila. Sviđa mi se danski pristup odgoju, neke principe i sama primjenjujem, a neke ću svakako pokušati uklopiti u svoj stil roditeljstva. Ova knjiga vam možda neće pružiti toliko konkretnih savjeta za primjenu, ali će vas ispuniti optimizmom i dati vam bar nekoliko alata za lakše preživljavanje ovog razdoblja. 😊
“Život je nevjerojatan. Cijenite male trenutke s onima koje volite. Budući da imam dvije mlade odrasle osobe, mogu sa sigurnošću reći da bih sve dala da na nekoliko sekundi držim njihove tople ruke u svojima ili da sjedim pokraj njih i još im jedanput objašnjavam kako im se mijenjaju tijela. Vrijeme brzo leti i u brzini i gužvi često propustimo previše pojedinosti. Ništa na svijetu nije veće od ljubavi naše djece, a ona će nam zauvijek pomagati paliti zvijezde na našem nebu, ako im to dopustimo.”
[english]
“None of us is balanced all the time and does not always behave rationally…”
The Danish Way of Raising Teens – Iben Dissing Sandahl
Iben Dissing Sandahl is a teacher and a licensed psychotherapist whose main goal is to help parents and professionals, inspire and support them on the way to social and mental health. She is also the author of the successful The Danish Way of Parenting, Play the Danish way and How to Be a Relaxed Parent.
Sandahl emphasizes the importance of accepting the authenticity and uniqueness of our teenagers, and brings ten main principles of upbringing, with which the lives of both parents and teenagers should become easier. Given that the Danes are known as the happiest people in the world, the interest in their upbringing style is not surprising.
“If they asked me to leave the room, I listened. I would make myself available, but I would accept their rejection because I knew they would come to me when they were ready. I never scolded them or accused them of emotional outbursts. I sympathized with them. When they were willing to talk about the cause of their reaction, I curiously asked open-ended questions. We always got closer, without any dramatic scenes. I think it helped them to show their feelings when they came up. That’s how they learned to bring themselves in order and regain their emotional stability. This is crucial, because they will have to deal with emotional outbursts and hurt feelings many times in their lives. As you know, they will not always have us around!”
My first encounter with this author was through the book Danish Child Education, which delighted me at the time. I expected a lot from this book and in the end, I got a lot. I like the Danish approach to upbringing, I apply some principles myself, and I will definitely try to incorporate some into my parenting style. This book may not give you so many concrete tips to apply, but it will fill you with optimism and give you at least a few tools to help you survive this period. 😊
“Life is amazing. Cherish the little moments with the ones you love. Having two young adults, I can safely say that I would give anything to hold their warm hands in mine for a few seconds or to sit next to them and explain to them one more time how their bodies change. Time flies and in the rush and bustle we often miss too many details. Nothing in the world is greater than the love of our children, and they will forever help us light the stars in our sky.”
